I was once a very enthusiastic supporter of Groupon and other related coupon websites–mostly for the potential of trying out new restaurants at a very discounted price. (I love eating, a lot.) However, over the years, the coupon offerings have become more lacklustre and more bizarre (no, I do not need a roll-up piano set). As a result, the “Groupon/Coupon” filter box in my Gmail represents over 1,000 unread emails. Speaking of which, aren’t unread emails stressful? In order to deal with such stress, I just don’t read them anymore, which is a healthy way of addressing the stressful things in your life.
But the other day I decided to be brave and sift through some of the incredible deals on which I am purportedly missing out. Turns out, I’m missing out on this:
Skirt leggings (!). Or legging jupe, since everything sounds classier in French. Have women become so lazy and incapable of putting on two (2) pieces of clothing, such as a skirt and leggings that we need one convenient option?
I suppose paying $9.99 to permanently avoid having a camel toe is a good deal. Oh wait, or you can just wear the pants you already own!
My brother had just finished his first semester of university and doing things by himself. One morning, he decided to make everyone sunny-side-up eggs. As he served us the eggs, my dad told us about one time he ate forty (!) boiled eggs in one sitting.
“Your great-grandfather would bring in dozens and dozens of eggs because he lived in the country. So one day grandma had boiled a lot of them and I just started eating them with a friend. He stopped at 10, but I ate 40. He called me a monster.”
“How old were you, Dad?”
“Oh, we were young. Like nine?”
2.
We were standing in line at one of the big Korean grocery stores in Coquitlam. I had just bought 10 packs of 새콤달콤, one of my favourite Korean candies from childhood. I asked Dad what he liked to eat when he was a kid. Then we started talking about ramyun noodles — the kind you find in grocery stores for less than a dollar each these days.
“You know,” he said. “Those used to be for special guests at our house. When a guest came, you’d boil one with an egg in it — that was treating a guest well.”
3.
I spotted a prettily wrapped package in my brother’s suitcase when he got home.
“What’s that?” I asked. “A present for mom and dad,” he replied. After a while, he sheepishly added, “it’s just chocolate.”
I was just impressed that he had even thought to buy them something at all, before he chimed in: “I didn’t know what to get you. I was gonna get you a book, but then you’re like this hipster girl who’s read everything.”
Probably the best compliment my brother will pay me.
On my flight back home for the holidays, I popped in by one of the convenience stores in the Montreal airport to see if there were any books worth buying for the plane ride. Instead, I found these:
Who knew bitches were in such high demand?
Then, a Facebook acquaintance introduced me to this horrifying yet terribly entertaining tumblr, “nice guys” of okcupid, where the author shared some choice quotes from the profiles of the self-proclaimed “nice guys” of OkCupid. It was a great selection of men who were wilfully blind to their own shortcomings, while blaming the women for their eternally single status. Some choice quotes include:
“most women these days are bitchs[sic], sluts or just a combo of the two which is pathetic.”
“Satanic women enticing me to fall into perilous friend zone” [note: apparently friendzone is the place of death, as all the men on this tumblr are obsessed with it and want it to die]
“I have a pretty rockin’ personality…vegetarians piss me off, same with feminists and hippies.”
“You should message me if…you’re not some ignorant girl who likes douche bags.”
And my personal favourite:
“I think breaking bad [sic] helped ruin my last relationship. After every episode I was depressed as fuck and didn’t want to talk to my gf. Oh well she was a slut.”
But maybe the most mind-boggling part of it were the inclusion of the men’s answers to questions like “Does no mean no?” where many answers excerpted said:
“A No is just a Yes that needs a little convincing!”
After reading every single entry of the tumblr, my thoughts are the following:
When will we stop blaming women? First we blamed them for getting sexually assaulted, and these men seem to have no problem blaming women for their relationship status instead of looking inwardly.
“Nice” is a qualifier that should be used exclusively by others to describe you, not something you say about yourself.
Also, opening doors, pulling chairs, and buying flowers are not all that’s cracked up to be unless they’re accompanied by, I dunno, genuine respect for a woman’s wishes and bodily integrity.
Maybe the men were thinking about convincing women to say yes to a date when they wrote the answers that basically say “no means yes!” but maybe they should think about how that maks them sound like…well, potential rapists.
HIV advocacy and human rights have become a big part of my life, thanks to my summer internship. Here are a few things I was involved in this summer, and a few things I am still involved with and exploring.
Prison Health Now
In late September, the Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network filed a lawsuit against the Canadian government about the lack of clean needles in prisons — which lead to horrifying health conditions, where the chances of contracting HIV and Hepatits C in prison are 10 and 30 times higher in prisons than outside. Prisoners often come from marginalized and socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds, and the high risk of contracting HIV and Hep C only stigmatize their conditions further. Besides the lawsuit, the Legal Network also produced a series of short video clips featuring prisoners’ stories about the devastating effects of not having clean needles. You can see the rest of the video clips, and learn more about the issues on the Prison Health Now website.
HIV non-disclosure ruling from the Supreme Court
Last week, the Supreme Court of Canada issued judgments on two cases regarding HIV status non-disclosure to sexual partners. With the judgments the Court had a chance to clarify its position on the issue since it first set the caselaw in 1998. The judgments carry some worrisome implications for people living with HIV, which I hope to write about later. In the meantime, if you’d like to know more about the cases and what the Court said, here is my recap of the background and the ruling, written for the McGill Journal of Law and Health website.
Recently, Parti Quebecois — the sovereigntist party — forcefully came out and said that it will rewrite the Quebec Charter to do away with reasonable accommodation, so that Quebec remains a “secular” state. In reality, this is an anti-immigrant and specifically anti-Muslim agenda dressed as secularism, where wearing a cross is alright but wearing a hijab is not (Because certain things like “Christmas” are a part of Quebec’s heritage, said Marois). You can read about this from the party’s website (in French), or read this editorial in English (note: it is an editorial by an anglophone newspaper, so it does not don the “neutral” tone you would find in a news article) to learn more about it.
Pauline Marois (image via Wikipedia)
Time and time again, just when I feel that maybe Montreal could be my home, I see the Quebec’s ugly side of its uniqueness – where the politicians don the hurtful language of cultural preservation and purity and whatever else to win votes. A shame, really.
Lena Dunham — whose show occupies a grey zone in my heart — woke up from the wrong side of the bed and decided that it was funny to put a scarf on her head and make a “fundamentalist” joke.
Feministing wrote an interesting piece responding to the Dunham controversy, asking whether it matters that Dunham is a “casual racist,” whether we’re hard on her because she’s a woman, and whether the media is focusing too much on Dunham’s personal behaviour too much.
To which, I say: of course, it matters. First of all, I find the classification of “casual racism” a bit problematic — especially from a site like Feministing. Are we now differentiating racism by their degrees and saying “some” racism is okay? When? Who gets to decide that?
I’m not afraid to say I expect something more from Dunham than say, Charlie Sheen or the creators of Two and a Half Men. Why? Because the same media, which rips Dunham apart, keeps on touting her as a representative of my generation and an inspiration for young women. She’s the voice of my generation that’ll carry comedy forward, they say, and make relatable comedy for “women.” Okay, that’s great. If that is the case then, I’d like her to remain at least somewhat sensitive to the issues that affect all kinds of women.
I love television shows. I’m also keen on seeing more Asian representations on television. So when K-Town (aka Jersey Shore for Asians) finally made its online debut after casting changes and delays, I had to watch it, of course.
The result?
Ehhhh.
Lots of drinking, hair-pulling, drinks being thrown, etc. What else did I expect?
Despite my reservations, I dutifully introduced this show to another Asian Canadian friend, and we ended up having a K-Town marathon on her big-screen TV. After binging on the drama, we inevitably asked ourselves the question that many people have asked about this show: Is this show good for Asian Americans?
Ehhhh.
I mostly find the men’s portrayal on the show more interesting than the women’s, mainly because we don’t see many Asians in “jock” or “partier” (or I might even say “ditz” if I’m feeling mean) roles. It’s also kind of refreshing to see a host of Asian Americans existing as an entire world, rather than as tokens in a white-washed one of mainstream television. It has the Asians: they’re just like us! effect. Even if that “just like us” message is geared towards…shirtlessness and belligerence. (note: the pictures from the Disgrasian link feature some of the old cast members, who are no longer on the current version of the show)
Then again, K-Town’s failed distribution deal with MTV is perhaps telling of the racial landscape of television — whereas Italian Americans were seen as capable of capturing a wider audience, Asian Americans are not there yet.
But race might not be the only factor that hindered its success. In my opinion, there is a general absence of heightened drama in K-Town that prevent it from being a true guilty pleasure. From what I can tell, the show (as it is now, after some casting changes) seems to consist mostly of friends who knew each other before, besides a couple of additions. This gives the viewer a sense of intruding upon something that was already established, rather than growing with new relationships. MTV shows got this down pat, with The Real World as well as Jersey Shore – where a bunch of strangers came to live in one place for a designated purpose of drama for the camera. This helped the viewer to feel like s/he was a part of this relationship.
Also, house footages on Jersey Shore helped to add that dimension of intimacy — something K-Town also lacks. So really, watching K-Town is like watching loud and obnoxious people at a club, something I try to avoid in real life. I’ve seen obnoxious crowds before, so there’s nothing new there. But Jersey Shore gave me something more exclusive, behind-the-scenes workings of an obnoxious crowd (which I don’t get to see). This didn’t necessarily help me understand or empathize with them any more, but there have been the occasional moments of tenderness or friendship that have surprised me. I can’t say the same for K-Town, really.
So will I keep watching? Three episodes later, I remain unconvinced — but it is vacation time for me after all, so who knows?
(If you’re interested in learning more about the show, Schema has weekly updates as well as Twitter chats when new episodes air every Wednesday.)
Laura’s post on staring men has made me think a lot about street harassment and uninvited attention/invitation from men on the street.
I’ve been verbally harassed many times on the street. The only time where I came close to being physically assaulted was in the Paris metro, and that was just a few aggressive pokes on the shoulder. I know how lucky I am to have only brushed against the idea of being physically assaulted, rather than experiencing physical assault. I guess I shouldn’t have such high expectations that some day, women will feel okay just being by themselves, or that walking home at night alone won’t feel like a fatal mistake.
Here are the arrays of things that happened to me in this fine city of Montreal:
While walking home at night with my partner, a man on a bike called me an “Asian whore” as he rode by.
One time, when I was walking home alone, a man followed me home for about 8 blocks. Luckily, a friend that was staying at my apartment at the time was waiting outside for me and I got inside without the dude following me any longer. When I got inside, he made the “eating out” gesture at me. When I told the security guard of my building to not let the man in that night, he just said to me: “he just likes you!” I felt faint.
Recalling these incidents makes me feel angry. Yet, when those things were happening, all I could sense was pure fear, which made me only want to flee the scene and not confront it. When I was aware of that man following me home, I ran a few scenarios in my head where he would force me to come inside the apartment with me. Then all of my desire to yell at him evaporated, because God forbid I anger him any more. What if he would want to punish me for my behaviour? And because I have been socialized and educated to believe my own helplessness, this is what happened in my head:
(Except, you know, it only became funny in hindsight.)
The crippling fear of men who are stronger and bigger than me makes me hate myself, because I feel like a silent accomplice who allows these terrible things to happen to me by fulfilling the helpless woman stereotype. Or even worse, a meek Asian woman stereotype. (Racialicious has an excellent piece about street harassment and race)
I wish the first response that comes to mind when someone approaches me in an aggressive manner is not to run, but to confront it and make that person feel bad for what (s)he is doing. I’m not sure when or if I’ll reach the stage where I will be confident enough to confront the situation. But I’m working on it. The other day, when a man told me my dress was pretty and asked whether I was from “China or Hong Kong” I said “no thanks” while looking straight into his eyes. It’s a small step.
I have a complicated relationship with Forever 21. I don’t like their marketing practices and their creepy proselytizing so I stay away. but sometimes I get the urge to go in because things seem so impossibly cheap. So I go in, get overwhelmed by a sea of synthetic fabrics and aggressive teenagers, then hate myself for getting interested in their products in the first place.
Sounds like a healthy relationship, no?
The other day, the Urge struck as I was walking on St-Catherines street. But my guilt/interest quickly turned into something else as I saw this:
Cute Oriental girl on a chain! How hip and ironic! These don’t seem identical to the “Oriental Girl” necklace that got the chain in hot water awhile back, but the concept seems to be similar enough.
Honestly, I don’t know what to make of these. I don’t want to wear something like this. It also seems wrong that they would single out and reduce certain cultural identities — like the “Native American Girl” as well as the “Oriental Girl” — to be worn like decoration (at a bargain price of $3.99 CAD or $1.50 US, nonetheless). But of course, a Huffington Post poll on the very same subject seems to reveal that I am yet again the humourless and sour person who takes everything too seriously.
In the end, I left the store empty-handed as I should’ve, and bought this cute zebra necklace instead, from the great Mary Jane, whose online shop is full of quirky vintage goods. Support local business, don’t contribute to questionable business practices, and don’t own a weird jewellery depicting stereotypes. Win-win, right?
It seems like everyone is very interested in what women are doing in their bedrooms, and who they’re doing things with. And such intrusive interest has gone beyond the usual victims of Hollywood starlets to others.
There’s a recent scandal involving a Canadian woman (who is not a Hollywood star, I might add) who is going through a public inquiry because she is an adult who liked to have sex, and had a husband who might have been too eager to offer up her private photos to the internet. This was a pretty big media story in Canada until the Olympics started, but I won’t mention her name here because I don’t want to be adding to the number of Google searches that mention her private affairs rather than her professional ability.
From what I can gather, the story seems to boil down to this: the woman and her husband (who was also in the legal profession) had an active sex life. In fact, the husband seems to have enjoyed exhibiting his wife’s sexuality very freely online, without his wife’s consent. He even solicited one of his clients on his wife’s behalf without her knowledge.
These are juicy stories, I won’t deny that. But why are these making national headlines? Why are we questioning a person’s professional ability (which doesn’t happen to be connected to her sexuality, by the way) to do her job based on what she does in her bedroom?
I wonder why we’re so appalled when we find out “real” women have been sexual — and sexual in a way that is “off script” — when marketing seems to push it on us constantly. I wonder, with so many photos being snapped these days and stored god-knows-where, how anyone would ever be able to keep a job, if this kind of shaming is becoming the norm.
RT @Mixed_Me_CA: I don't know about y'all, but this is how I'm feeling these days, time for some PoC/IP care... "The Modern Sisyphus" http:… 2 days ago
