Dear Amy Chua,

I’ve been really rattled by your article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.” And judging from the comments section, I’m not alone.

First, you admit that you are using the term “Chinese parent” loosely:

“I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I’m also using the term “Western parents” loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.”

Okay, fine. But then you continue to wrongly use the words “Chinese parents” in your entire article, instead of individualizing your own experiences, or perhaps some Chinese parents you know. Is it too hard to give these people a name, or at least acknowledge people’s individuality? Apparently it is.

So you are exemplifying the classic move where one person of colour represents everyone in that “group.” While admitting that setting up binaries is inaccurate, you continue to do so in your entire article, thus perpetuating stereotypes about the shrill, emotionless Chinese parents while also reinforcing the wishy-washy Western parents stereotype. (even though you state at the beginning that you know such stereotypes are not all true.) You can’t say that you know the dangers of stereotypes and then move on to reinforce them.

I also wonder why you keep using the word “Chinese” parents, and fail to acknowledge the difference between a “Chinese” parent, and a “Chinese-American” parent. I wish you could’ve perhaps explored this difference further, because I can’t help but think that 2nd-or 3rd-generation Chinese-Americans who were born here may be different. Some Chinese-Americans have been living in America for a long time now. What are their stories? Could you not find a single 3rd-generation parent who was willing to share his/her story of bringing up children? When I read an article – in a respected publication like the Wall Street Journal nonetheless – I expect to see some kind of journalistic practices like concrete research, some differing perspectives, and maybe some interviews. Your article has none of these things – just some unknown studies with no source , countless anecdotes about your own family, and some more generalizations about how in the end, the Chinese parents produce the best children. How odd. How disappointing.

Let me recount the days of my teenage years. My parents, who immigrated here over 10 years ago, had high expectations for me as well. As a teenager who was confused about her identity, I did experience a lot of conflict and resented my parents (and the unreal expectations they put on me). But you know what? They were also human, not the caricatures of parents you described in your article. They let me major in English Literature because I wanted to. They let me quit my violin lessons because I didn’t like it.

But most importantly, I didn’t grow up thinking that all Korean parents were like my own. Because they are not. I also saw plenty of my “Western” friends suffer from the parents’ pressure to go into engineering/law school/medical school because their parents had the same profession and they wouldn’t expect their children to do anything else.

However, according to you, Western parents don’t do that:

“Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”

I still fail to see how an action like this can instill confidence in a child:

“I threatened her [Chua's daughter] with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn’t do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.”

I don’t think you can excuse this behaviour as being “cultural.” Nobody knows their parents as well as the children, so I’m withholding judgment, but this anecdote does make you seem like a bullying parent with issues. So please, do not drag an entire nation of parents with you. This issue of unreal expectations is yours to figure out, and yours alone.

Maybe, if you approached this article with a more nuanced approach about class – do upper-middle class parents tend to pressure their children into certain types of activities and professions, compared to those belonging to socioeconomically challenged groups? – then perhaps this article wouldn’t have become so problematic.

You say that the Chinese parents are the best in the world. But it sure doesn’t sound like it until I read your statement telling me so. And unfortunately, I fear that people without Chinese parents will just wonder how crazy those Chinese parents are after reading your piece. And those of us with Chinese (or other Asian parents, because the distinction still doesn’t really exist in our society) will just end up cringing at the problematic lumping of the “Chinese” parents like there’s some magical personality binding agent in our DNAs, even across the continent!

And for that, I feel deeply disappointed.